Well it's been a long time since I have done an article like this. When I started blogging I was in the midst of depression that had got me by the balls. That was 2008 and I climbed out of it with the help of my good local doctor to whom I am and always will be very indebted. For those who think depression is a state of mind, let me assure you it is very physical. It is at its worse when you wake up and almost cannot lift your head off the pillow. This always gives a bad start because at 11pm the previous night you were almost feeling OK. It's like your brain rewires each night and you have to climb back out. Daylight is a killer, even a chink through a curtain and no amount of sitting in the garden surrounded by flowers enjoying a cup of tea will shake the mood. Slowly it lifted and by the time it was mid to late afternoon, normality would start to chink in and the feeling a) maybe its over and b) how come I feel OK after feeling so bad. Then bedtime comes with the usual dread that tomorrow reverts back to a nightmare. It truly for me was like Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde.
So it lasted two years for me. Why so long, well from what I have heard, why so short could easily be the question. The biggest problem with depression is that you cannot see the road out, your brain has rewired in a dreadful way and no matter how many times you flip the circuit breaker it does not reset to normal. The fact that you cannot reset adds to the problem. For me the answer was Effexor or Venlafaxine as long as I stayed on it. There was a six week nightmare wait for it to start to lift my mood, it has very undesirable side effects that was the reason why I kept on stopping it. But finally I listened and from early 2010 to mid 2011 I stayed on it, my brain reset and I slowly came off it.
Now I avoid anything that smacks of drugs, especially ones that help you sleep, my new blase manner means that if I have a sleepless night then I simply lie awake and wait for the next night. Eventually I conk out and system again returns to normal. I have also filled my life with things I enjoy doing so that any depressing thoughts are kept at bay. My life is not perfect but its not bad, not bad at all. Now that I have told you all this, reread my 2008 entries when I was under the influence, I have left them untouched but it truly is a different mind speaking.
So what is in my life, well where do I start, my only real hobby is my model railway which is slowly evolving into something akin to what you can see in any model railway magazine. The town is called Abbingdon, I don't know if it exists or not but the name has stuck. It's a town within itself and doesn't need the railway to look good. It's currently undergoing an overhaul into its final form (I hope). My other interest is to engage into every facet of British life that I can, from music, to coffee shops, to pubs, how towns are laid out and whether there is a Costas. The Costa in the picture is on my model town of Abbingdon. I lived many years in Canada and I try to do the same there using whether there is a Tim Hortons to define the town status. It's a lot of fun and will be the subject of more blogs. I live by the sea so a lot of time is spent in glorious scenery with the sea to the west and mountains to the east. Yes life is good. I also sing in a Welsh Choir and learning lots of new songs for a concert at the Albert Hall next year. this takes up a lot of time. My last interest is online blogging, youtube, Flickr, Squidoo and facebook. I enjoy social media as long as I control it and not the other way round. I also have a website dedicated to my great aunt Bessie. She has her own website and Flickr account even though she passed away ten years ago. I am getting a lot of help from a recently found cousin. Lastly I love to visit all things to do with railways from Network Rail to Arriva Trains to any preserved steam railway and tour the country to see as many as I can. I will make blogs in the coming months on some of these items specifically so please revisit when you can.
